THE SURVIVING CHILD by Sharon Horton

 The child inside                                   

wants to hide                                       

Fear                                                       

constant tears                                      

Anger                                                    

unknown rage                                       

locked in a cage                                  

on a tight leash                                    

Unable, unwilling, untrusting              

to release                                              

Caring support is around                  

Yet she falls to                                       

the ground,                                             

this child can see                                   

only through the                                    

painful memories                                   

Looking inside                                                    

Remembering why                                

needed to die                                          

for her to survive.                                   

Now again, here they are,                    

vibrant, strong                                           

very much alive                                        

and this child is                                       

Screaming                                                 

"Do Not Try!!!"                                           

Caught between                                       

wanting it so much                                   

and the child’s warning-                          

"Don't try to touch!"                                 

That Fear, That Fall,                                  

is all she can see,                                       

The desperate

impossible leap

to let myself

believe in me.

The past repeats itself,

the reason she

hid the hopes on the shelf

and pretended they were dead

The feelings

Greater than words said

trying to express

what they’re about,

But always scared

to let them out.

Try asserting

“I deserve, I can, I belong!”

but terrified

of being wrong.

the hopes, dreams

out there in a world

where Hope, Trust, Safety

are nothing but

blurs.

The darkness is more

secure.

Alone, with all these

feelings to contend

This child can't trust

there’s a difference

between NOW and THEN

And I, her adult self,

can give no comfort

to my child within.

-Sharon H.