AS LUCK WOULD HAVE IT by ElizabethHipwell

As luck would have it
I had hit a dead end
Once again
Falling back into the nothingness
Of my previous wallowing
Contemplating my loneliness and fear
A failure to proceed
To do
To live
Being ungrateful to the placations
Of those who mean well
But are unable to understand,
Thinking everything can be easily fixed,
Whose motto is "All hands to the pump."
But what do they know about leaden limbs,
Brutality and pain
That wreaks havoc on the psyche
An emotional arthritis which inhibits
Walking to the pump
Let alone gripping it with all my hands
At one time I was pure and unwritten
Ripe as an apple of my eye
Whose possibilities were revered
As clean, crisp, white linen paper
Waiting with anticipation
To be imprinted
A commitment
Without the possibility of turning back
How do I go on
Wearing the weight of my written pages
"If I'd only known then what I know now."
How true that is
I coulda
Woulda
Shoulda
Done this
Done that
Can't change what has already happened
But I can learn
Prevent it from happening again
Be on the look out
One ounce of awareness
Much more valuable than an after-the-fact cure.
Being in it
Awareness of the machinations of the uncivilized and abusive
I can nip it in the bud
Put it in the rear view mirror of my mind
And move on to brighter pastures
In the bosom of the opposite of neglect.

-Elizabeth Hipwell