On hold was I
Trapped in my
5'8.5" physique
Held tight by the pain
of my past
Held captive within the
confines of fear
This prevented my
hungry nature from soaring
To parts unknown that
promised exotic adventures
Echoes of a past not
half bad,
But not half good
A confusion of
creativity
Scratching
Scratching
Scratching
Until it's fingertips
drip with hunger and blood
Demanding to be
unrestrained
To create
To express
To speak and be heard
A little fair haired
High cheek-boned
Educated lady
Not knowing her own
worth
Feeling invisible
Embarrassed for
Needing, wanting and lusting
And having the audacity to
say, "I am here!"
It is difficult to
plant her large frame
Take up space
In the ground
Growing roots that
extend
Through the layers of
her existence
Planting new seeds
That takes root in my
new found hope, love, and zeal
Idealism reinstated
Sticking with it
Even in the dark night
of my soul
Cognizant that a pin
light flickered at the end of the tunnel
I am a big woman
Passionate, loving and
thoughtful
A tad insecure
Confident, however,
that it does get better
The hard part has
already happened
I am stronger for it
The risks I take now
are easy compared to what I've been through
Having already lost a
lot
Current endeavors are
less daunting
I am plugged back into
life
Not on hold
-Elizabeth
Hipwell
