My anger feels like a raging tantrum
brewing like a storm
like I may explode in a sonic BOOM
and innocent bystanders will be injured
if I pull the trigger
if I let the pressure gauge out
even just a little bit
it's like jet fuel
and if I channel it properly
I know it can take me to such great heights
blast me out of the water
My pain has allowed me to turn my anger inwards
to slice my insides up
to look like Zorro has been there
and the bleeding ulcers
the lacerations the bruises
cuts and scars on the inside
have deformed my perceptions
warped this mind I've been given
blocked the opening
when I wanted to scream
sound-proofed the padded room
the dark windowless room
I've been chained up in
and it cycles back to rage
but renders me powerless
My hurt is greater than my worst fear
and the tenderness swollen inside my neck
knocking around in my skull
blistering and burning in my chest
sits on my head like I'm breathing under water
and when my wings have sprouted
they're too wet for me to fly
so I crawl I walk I run
to try and beat the sun to the horizon
'cause when it catches up I know
I'll melt into a puddle and freeze
And this cycle has my tires threadbare
I'm running out of gas in a stolen car
and I just don't feel like
going anywhere but here
right where I belong
in the center of my own universe
I fail to march to orders
that no longer serve me
I'm a repeat offender
waiting for trial to serve my penance
for the self-inflicted harm
these three companions have encouraged
But greater than this
is my desire, my hope and my wisdom
to come out the back end
unharmed as a clean slate
and watch as the scars fade but not disappear
I've earned my striped in this war
and for that I am grateful
that I've lived long enough
to make it this far
the cuts on my arms are proof
I could have killed myself a long time ago
but I felt like I was already too dead to die
sometimes you have to take a running leap
if you wanna learn to fly
-Kelly Greenwood
